i just took the best vacation.
i had no idea how much i needed it.
i got to a place of nothing
a zone of relax
a chill to the ninth degree.
i stretched it out as long as I possibly could.
i got to the i deserve this place too.
which felt grand.
today is my first day back to reality.
my writing this afternoon.
is a space/place away from the to-do list
which is rather long.
but long in a good way.
like due course long.
i am beginning to realize how i craft my life.
and how great it can be,
when i craft things with what’s best for me in mind.
not trying to be preachy
i just feel some clarity.
perhaps that’s what vacations provide.
my son, an avid cyclist said recently, just because someone rides a bike doesn’t mean we are friends. it does mean that we have something in common. and that’s a great place to start. I liked that perspective
i say to new people in my life/life. my real life. I am happy to try someone on. i love meeting new people. However I am going to be quick to acknowledge that if it isn’t a good fit. I will probably move on. i have way too little emotional energy to be with something that isn’t working for me. i also tell them it’s me defining the fine lines. that it’s often not them. i am complicated. and still rather fragile. i know of some people who want to be closer to me. I can’t do that any longer with just anyone
as fleeting, ghosting, judging and stupid as people can be. or have been. i gotta say figure out the fine lines
there ARE the good ones. true to self folks shine. i want and need shiny. i want light. i want effortless. and when i am around effortless. it’s a breath of fresh air
i say all of this because over the last few months now over a handful of you have shared an opinion. this opinion sharing feels like the crossing of a very fine line.
I went with the first commentary. i let it roll off my emotional shoulder
i did not feel judged.
i heard the thought.
i let it go
but then another shared their thoughts, and another, and another
and now …i feel a tad bombarded by unwanted opinions.
the opinion is about the hair on my face.
you are all entitled to your thoughts about the topic
i also get that i am in an open public place about it
a virtual space
but realize this. if i am a person now with hair on her face.
this is who i am. it’s sortof not negotiable.
it’s like if a man goes bald.
he’s now bald.
i bet that it is highly unlikely that there is a single woman in your immediate circle of influence who has a face like mine. how much do you want to bet?
and if there is, i applaud that woman. and I applaud you. especially if you intermingle socially with that person, and/ or if you share her with your other spheres of …people.
ya see, it’s one thing to know me, to say way to go lady, to think that it takes such courage to be me. but more often than not, i am not going to be included at family dinner.
this is happening folks. this is my reality.
this is the way it is for me.
so….get with the program
this face of mine
when a man that you know goes bald do you tell that dude
i don’t like your shiny head?
do you say yeah your baldness isn’t doing it for me.
because some are saying that.
about my face.
it’s fucking rude when you get right down to it.
i get opinions
i get opinionated
i get having a point of view
i get free speech
i also get grace.
have some grace for fuck sake
have some empathy
try my circumstance on sometime and see how it FEELS.
are you on my shit list because you shared this opinion of yours?
it does make me wonder what you were thinking.
outside of your distaste for the appearance of my face and all.
it certainly does not attract me to you
it does not have me trust the nature of our communications as nurturing, compassionate, kind and supportive.
perhaps some thoughts are better left unsaid.
the reality of all of this is many of us have known each other a very long time
a decade long time
you and i hanging out in real life??
so i am i am never going to embarrass you.
put your vote so to speak where it matters.
onto other things….
in my fantasies – i meet a nice guy who loves to cycle casually on sunday. he realizes that i cANt navigate a bike on my own. so he invests in one of these. as corny as a bicycle built for two is, i adore the old fashioned sentiment. i like the idea of doing together in a way that works …considering all involved.
this gem of a bike was at a place i was featured at… as an artist. i sold some art and gabbed with people who felt curious about me and my work. very low ebb of an afternoon but lovely.
the memory of an old schwinn takes me to many places. i’ve had 3. only one had the glitter hand grips. she was a buttery brown.
i feel too vulnerable to ride a bike now.
i am not a pig tail gal. more of a braids person. on this day though i was lazy. i love the part in back because there is only a very small moment of the dark hair left that use to be my signature. the rest is silvered or turned of all things rather white. i love the contrast
i call these two shots pig tails and jasmine rice. it was a daily, making rice, kitchen cabinet door left open ( i do that. a lot ) moment. plus it’s not a bad shot of that tatt of mine.
perhaps i should feel apologetic about the beginning of this post.
like maybe my thoughts are not what you want to hear
but I don’t feel sorry.
i feel truthful
perhaps that’s where some of you were coming from too.