Flower Power

I dreamt last night that a flower and succulents were growing in my groin.

( how’s that for an opening sentence?)

there was a single flower, short stemmed with a blue crocus like blossom – it’s center was yellow and button like. it’s petals fat and juicy, much  like that of an engorged jade. it looked like a pussy.

next to the flower there a large cluster of pure white plants. each had three small leaves. unlike most succulents they were soft to the touch. almost mossy.

all of this was nestled in the spread of my legs. specifically, in the crease on my right side

WTF

the examination room was huge. pure white. gleaming, with tile floor to ceiling. the room was brightly lit. i was drenched in white light. they guided me to an oversized rocking chair. the doctor, garbed in all white adorned a lamp of sorts on its head. all I could see was the Dr’s eyes.

i showed the Dr my flower power

armed with oversized tweezers, the removal of the flower revealed very short roots.

the succulent removal was trickier. the individual  leaves would pop and their juice would burn me.

the dr was very careful.

once all was removed

my wounds were treated.

at one point i thought the Dr might have been my mother.

but there was no vibe of judgement.

later, i saw that the Dr was a man.

with a mustache and a warm smile.

noone spoke.

( take in 2011. when i had way more hair )

 

 

Karma

sometimes i wonder if karma reveals itself like an angel, or fairy dust, or perhaps karma is a mischievous leprechaun sitting on one’s shoulder. a slithering snake, how about a big fat hairy rat ?

if you take those types of characters — you can identify people around you who are exactly those things.

for solstice i took myself on a day trek.

one of my stops was to deliver art.

a new consignment shop is hosting my work.

the shop keeper is a bespectacled character.

he offers a firm handshake and a huge smile.

he is a real individual

a man living life on his own terms.

we had a long discussion about marching to our own drum

round pegs and square holes

individuality

and non-conforming.

i think it will be good doing business with him.

if there is anything i am good at.

its having my own ideas.

there is life the way some might feel things should go

a linear – point a to point b life.

a life you are suppose to have or portray.

if all these life ducks line up

you will then …

have a good life.

you will then be what.

happy?

rich?

fulfilled?

but what if someone does all the supposed right things??

and ends up seriously miserable.

is that karma?

some think that risk taking

might be adrenaline seeking activities

a river raft trip, a marathon, a climb to the highest mountain top

i do not discount any of these ambitious challenges

i sometimes feel like thrill seeking

once it’s over.

you have to seek the next or top the last thrill.

almost like an addiction.

chasing thrill

may or may not be a way to live a life.

it’s a chase.

not a living.

lately i’ve been observing karma in action

where the way a life has been lived

sortof kicks one in the teeth later.

in my observations

the good prevails

and the bad

is seriously well deserved.

one person in particular

is a player.

that person plays people under the guise of goodwill.

like plays a serious game. munipulative

it doesn’t take long to see that around that person

there is noone.

including family.

all have been alienated.

that person is not beloved.

is that karma?

another took a social climbing conservative path

along the way that path was filled with dishonesty

friends were not cultivated

and that person is also very very alone.

that person appears to others to have a good life

inside that persons heart. it is empty.

another lived a life of loving. and light. a person who finds the good in everythng

a believer in goodness and someone who lives goodness authentically

around this person

is richness.

is this karma?

it takes time to see a persons life for what it actually is.

not all things reveal

in a first meet

a second.

all of this makes me think of marriage.

that supposed happily ever after thing.

i believe so much in the power of two

in pairing

in friendship

in love

but that forced march marriage thing.

not so much.

the other day i made a collage

within the piece there was nudity

sharing it

the story behind the piece

resonated deeply with another

the collage sold

and, i was told i am an inspiration.

i am trying to put self care at the top of what it is i am about

sometimes i feel large. influential, valuable and brave.

sometimes i don’t.

sometimes i feel very small. or lost. or afraid.

is this karma??

Tell the people around you how they make their mark with you. Tell them their value, their strengths, their spirit. If someone isn’t fueling the good in you. Perhaps it’s time to move on.

earlier this month i found these and wanted to be sure to share them again.

also from 2013.

i recall that during this time

some men fans gave me some of their time. their attention.

i think that makes for a better photo.

that someone in particular is looking.

one of my fans once said to me

what is so refreshing about your nude work is you can tell that you are looking at yourself for the very first time.

this was so so VERY true in 2013.

in 2019? not so much

perhaps i should find those first time eyes again.

i am trying to add a dose of my other photography

my non-nude things.

have you noticed?????

there are 90,000 + images in my files.

so much to share

so much narrative

i take way too many photographs.

PS it’s the weekend, i know better ( as I often say ) to post now. but my mind is full, and i have things to say. so. i am saying them.

PSS my day trek was cut short due to issues with my car. 6 months went by with no trauma around this vehicle. me thinks i need a car patron.

I LOVE this set of images.

the 4th shot – is one of my personal favorites.

 

 

 

Things June 2013

fun to go down that memory lane thing

summer

flowers

full moon

masturbation

and dresses that the light passes through.

my breasts were deflated here. flatter. bigger. definitely bigger than before

the one of me standing in the doorway

back facing in. i love the crooked band on my back.

i love my hair.

and that light through my legs

i admit. pretty hot

that image was used in my online dating profile at the time.

i am laughing as i remember the date i had that month

the dude with the wad of banana bubble gum in his mouth

he was making saliva after a dentist appointment i guess

talk about having nothing in common.

i forget what mr name i gave that one

summer solstice.

a time to honor our mother earth

to open our container or vessel and fill it with her light.

fill our selves with her light.

if only you could see the sunset right now.

 

Miss Dancing With The Sun

i have mentioned the cave,  perhaps i haven’t mentioned that it’s located off a highway. it’s miles to get to much of anything, certainly not something redeeming. i say that because of what i have known. i tend to find beauty around me no matter what. yet, that doesn’t mean that i don’t miss what i would define as living preferences or aesthetic. as i am preparing for what is next for me – i will go back to creating light. I regret trustingly taking on a path that i believed was going to be a stepping stone. or believing even that mr cowboy was a man of his word. i kick myself that i missed how not on the same page all of this was. untruths.

that said, i sure do miss moments like this..where the natural light was warm, shiny and bright in a way,  and not only felt right but also photographed well. sigh.

florals from about town, the zinnia’s i would visit at the post office.

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Without Panties

wore this dress on date #3

nothing underneath.

it wasn’t on for even 5 minutes.

nope.

once he arrived.

that dress was off.

i loved that date.

our dates after that were very often like that.

hungry.

hungry to see, taste and touch each other.

missing each other ever so.

now.

now that it’s full time

we don’t miss each other that way.

the hungry groping occurs in different ways

i still anticipate his coming home

and most often

i do still hunger for him

without my panties.

i just have to graciously

let him re-group from a day at work

or a task at hand

or the things to do

that come with

going home.

my little garden had sprouted a bit that day

i only had one of these red flowers all year.

some annual

sure am glad i photographed it.

feel that way about so many things.

if i hadn’t captured it

i wouldn’t be able to revisit the moment

ever so fondly.

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