sex with me
it’s a gift i give
by my choosing.
it’s the best part of me
that many, yet really very few, have had.
yes there are the lovers, the fucks, the strangers, the husbands, the “mr’s”
who knows what any of them might say about
what it’s like to be with me.
i am complicated
i became more and more complicated as i got older.
in my about here at my blog i say,
as long as the covers are on
the lights are out
or when passion has nudity become a remarkable blur.
i say it that way for a reason.
because i am more self conscious than i can even begin to say.
when chemistry occurs
or if someone will have me
or when i trust
or when i feel like i can
i let my hair down
i get hungry
i get vulnerable.
i get gullible
i am a sucker for compliments
i am a sucker for a hint of interest.
i am not an obvious sexual creature
more so, i am a surprise of a lover
under the covers. in private.
when my work here began.
my nude work
i was not prepared for the sexual piece of it.
when men do what they do
or can do.
i was horrified.
for a very very long while though i did not know or understand why.
quite a few sexual things are TRIGGERS for me.
triggers to a past.
age 17 past.
age 17 trauma.
and your dick.
are things I don’t really want to see.
in private, with permission, in a relatedness.
I feel differently
as casual, as dick pics and such are?
please don’t send me that shit.
i am a big girl
i do not curl up and go fetal in distress
if someone sends me these things.
but I do get rattled
especially since the beginning of 2018
I get rattled even more.
do you really want to rattle me?
For those men who are on Flickr?
i can not control a man’s pervy feed
but don’t expect me to be aroused by it
far far from it.
this reaction is MY problem.
my stuff to get to the other side of.
I mention this today because seemingly dick pic sharing happens in waves
and in very recent times
WAY TOO many of you have shared dick pictures with me.
you’ve sent images without even asking if it’s OK.
Lesson number one.
Ask a ladies permission.
Don’t send me that shit.
years ago?? 2008?
All of this was very new to me.
i was somehow more playful.
i am not.
have respect for fuck sake.