I’m Still Here

so my cat’s newest antics in the morning to awake me is getting her claw stuck in the tin mirror i have hanging near my bed. it’s not her mission to get stuck, more so the sound her paw makes on it is fun sounding, and to her that’s a way of communicating. i need lessons in cat speak perhaps.

i’m still here. hello. i’m here!!

i had a dream a few nights ago. when i think of this dream it STILL makes me laugh. out loud. all by myself. to tears. roaring with laughter. last night i thought about this dream and ended up sobbing. is the dream a vehicle to remind me of laughter. the tears of joy?? Or should i be troubled by the ridiculousness of the dream.

or am i simply miserable?

i’m still here. hello. i’m here!!

over the decade that i’ve been writing here. few will reach out to me and tell me that they “read me” from blog post to blog post. from the beginning to the current. in one sitting. in one anonymously nude sitting. wow. each time i hear this i feel amazed. remember i thanked someone for being at my blog last week? the high traffic? someone had sat up the entire night. reading me. wow.

one man, long ago, was in an italian coffee shop. he said, there he was in public enjoying this delicious secret. he then went home to his wife. and he told me about her. and his unhappiness of their marriage. i never quite know what to say. thank you? thank you for reading my work. Thank you for enjoying my photography  i don’t usually hear from these men again. they just want me to know that they spent time with me. which is of course rather wonderful.

what I wish is a deeper sense of their experience. i was here isn’t enough. it’s not that the person isn’t enough. i just wish that I WAS MORE.

I’m still here. hello. I’m here!!

the longer things pandemic keep us isolated. the more my personal reality looks me in the face. i never counted the days that i’ve stayed at home before. ( i was last in my car 15 days ago ) 

the truth is, thats rather normal for me. i can do blur of time really well.

it’s what comes with the pandemic mind that I am having trouble with.

i know i do not feel this alone.

this is all a real mind fuck.

an article is circulating. don’t get me started about the stupidity of the press – – it’s about the insensitivity of asking “how are you?”

are you kidding?

the article pissed me off. like fuck you pissed me off.

do not diminish my caring inquiry. do not turn caring and asking into some better politically correct bullshit you should say it this way language. no no no.

I’m here. hello. I’m still here.

Lately, I’ve been turning old nude images of me into art.

i feel rather delighted and proud of them.

and then, i talk myself out of sharing them because

i decide that noone gives a shit.

they don’t want to see my art

they want to see my ass.

i remind myself that i make art not for you

but for me.

but i wish that my art was cherished.

or more so, that i was cherished.

with things pandemic, things art feel like a big thumb squishing my creative mind into the woodwork.

i’m here, hello, I’m still here.

my intimate times with myself are less and less.

and my photographing things intimate

are even less.

but then a moment finds me.

a moment spired usually by some stranger being kind.

and i feel attended to …

for a second.

i’m here. hello. I’m still here.

out of that, my creativity is affirmed.

images like these

which are very me

and very creative

are just a moment in time.

that i give away.

that slips away into internet heaven.

i’m left with

many many strangers

men

and women who

perhaps have a moment of joy.

i should feel satisfied somehow.

i don’t.

this triggers stuff.

emotional stuff.

because that’s what it all is.

one big ball of way too much.

I’m still here. hello. I am here

 

 

 

Panties For Sale

YOU pick. and pay.

and then I’ll play.

these are not soiled panties.

meaning worn for days or something.

i masturbate wearing them.

multiple times.

i get them really wet.

sound good??

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before i sold this recent pair of panties.

i had two other attempts at panty “sales”

those were not positive experiences at all.

however

this recent pair,

and sale.

was VERY VERY positive.

while i want to respect this persons privacy

suffice to say this.

his inquiry was sincere.

his payment was as he had promised.

his anticipation for the arrival of the panty

drove him wild.

and the experience of my panties

for him.

was primal.

his word.

so much so.

he wants more.

giggle.

gotta love a repeat customer.

i liked making my panties wet for someone

who wanted them.

i liked slipping them into the mail.

and receiving an email

that

he could barely type

because he was beside himself excited.

so,

i did a panty inventory.

These seven pair are immediately ready for play.

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two nude thongs. ( one is now sold )

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one orange lace thong.

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one hot pink lace thong.

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3 boy short style with lace/ very soft. one is the featured panty in my header.

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one shiny white boy short. sexy actually against all my hair.

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i have a bunch of micro thong.

sortof useless if you ask me.

and hard to attach much musk to them.

i guess ask me about those if you want.

i also have these really fancy pants

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but

( no pun intended)

i like these still.

as prop panties.

( giggle)

maybe i could charge more for them?

they are rather notched up as far as material etc.

very nice.

finally. i still have these.

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i call these date panties.

me thinks i will keep those for now.

date bait.

ALL of these panties i have worn on this blog.

some of these panties were a gift from mr detroit and mr bahrain.

they were very generous.

why am I doing this?

truth be

i am in a bit of a panic

i need the cash.

i have got to get ahead of my game here.

if panty sales help?

why not.