when someone says to you…
you should be different, you should do this. you should be this way.
i think to myself.
mind your own shit.
stay in your own lane
stay in your own backyard
mind your own beeswax buster brown or sweet missy poo.
i grow weary of others telling me how to live my life.
actually if the word YOU
starts in a sentence.
it’s like …umm, no.
that’s like a finger pointing at your chest. poke. poke. poke.
what I prefer.
is to instead share what works for me….
i value loyalty, attention, up to stuff folks. i emphatically value common courtesy.
not everyone i know speaks in value.
i was reminded of this yesterday when a gal i know stopped by and she was very complimentary to me. and she meant it. she managed our meet also with courtesy. refreshing.
thats what i want around me.
i remember in recovery from one of my car accidents
my doctor telling me
your basic needs are what you need to focus on here
it’s self care for you
how you do your day
how you do your life.
no one else’s.
i think of her advice often
especially when i feel put upon or frustrated.
at the time
i couldn’t do much.
i couldn’t wash my hair
i couldn’t wipe my ass with my right hand
i couldn’t cook,
keep my home clean.
i couldn’t make my bed
i couldn’t sign an agreement – legibly.
she said, focus on what you can do
and focus on what is best for you.
the i can
is way more enrolling than the i can’t
at that time i had to learn how to ask for help.
i had to let go of standards that were expectant.
i learned a lot emotionally during that, and other recoveries and other and recent triumphs.
to me, letting relationships that don’t work for me go is a form of self care
this works for me because i think to myself
this really does not work for me and this is why.
what is happening is quality. or perhaps something safer emotionally
not volume to hide in.
and, i am not trying to look good in the process either.
sometime ago in social media
i had come back after a several year hiatus
at that time having friends was a thing.
in social media that is.
the word is so misleading. would you agree??
i remember meeting this woman in a coffee group and before i had even gotten home she had requested to be my friend.
later i observed her to be a collector of …for the sake of volume, not for the sake of value.
she turned out to be a very inauthentic person. not very original. and she also turned out to not respect privacy. she was a busy body of sorts. it’s how she climbed her own personal ladder. after awhile you could literally see the human bridges she burned. the crowd at her feet stomped upon. i didn’t respect or trust her. and later, i just didn’t like her
in my head sometimes I author a guide.
how to be my friend.
a what makes me tick manual
a seek to be understood thing
like having all the cards on the table.
are you ready to stack the deck with this one? are you in?
I wouldn’t want someone to hand me a list of rules
which has me not actually make the list but ….
sometimes i wonder if we were more forthcoming in the beginning.
that friendships wouldn’t falter later.
when i agreed to live with mr cowboy
i had thought hard before i said yes
and then i had terms to add to the gesture.
i need to check in emotionally on a regular basis
i need two years to regroup financially
i asked, does that work for you.
he said yes.
and when reminded of the yes.
later, when things fell apart
do you remember agreeing to???
i was a bitch for reminding him.
i don’t get why someone says yes in the first place.
i call that placating.
is that the right term for it??
saying something to please another. without intention??
why can’t we say the hard stuff right away?
i am guilty of that myself
perhaps i think things will work themselves out.
or perhaps being non-confrontational is
when placating is pathological
or a mistruth occurs over and over
that’s just not good.