Annual Entitlement

i celebrate another year older in a few weeks. 

it’s the one time of year where I want to be celebrated. it’s the one time a year where i want the attention. the sortof attention that it’s all about ME. it’s the one day that i want to know, like really really know, that my being born matters. i gave up a very very long time ago that my birthday is going to be some planned momentous occasion. planned by another anyway. I make my own way in the hey it’s my day lets celebrate department.

the entitled part of me has a wish list. i always do this. you know the drill.  it’s a list of items where later I can say. oh such and such gave me that for my bday. it’s about having something treasured that reminds me.  my being born matters 

folks are funny about being celebrated. some don’t want an ounce of hoopla.  i say nonsense to that. it matters that you were born.

others i know expect a month long celebration. and they get it!! ha!! how do they do that?

in today’s day i have no expectations except a small practical suggestion i sent to my kids. because that’s the other part of me. i am pretty pragmatic.

next year i turn 60 on my birth year 1960.

part of me thinks. gosh perhaps thats a year to plan something.

what would i plan?

i have NO idea.

i had an invite this year for a road trip

a gal i know moved in with her man.

i would like to meet him.

investigating it further

the drama was going to be too much.

my ability to roll with drama lately is nill.

i also had to put a car repair before a road trip

but, this repair puts the annoying front brake sound to rest.

and perhaps i will go a year without car repair drama

i like that idea. i like that idea a lot

the year i met mr cowboy, our first date was around my birthday.

he did all the right things, truth be

maybe i am just a pushover.

the day one is born matters. 

just like quite a few of you here

over the years

have gone out of your way

for my birthday.

thank you for that.

today is the day of the week i do art all day, i wrote a summation of what i plan to make in the upcoming year. it took me a better part of the day to make sense of it all –  this is a new strategy for me. i am not quite at the place to see this past year in my rear view mirror. it was a good year that way. a different year but a good one but, i hit a stuck place recently because of some pretty serious overwhelm. i stopped all. i went internal and I did some thinking. and today. all that thinking came together and made sense. i am feeling rather inspired. inspired by me. who knew

 

 

 

We All Know That Feeling

not sure if that friday night feeling is a rite of passage in your 20’s or the reality of a work week gone by. friday nights if you do them right have that exhale to them. the fuck yea it’s friday feeling. let the weekend begin. the pressure is off. they feel a certain way.

once responsibilities hit. motherhood in particular. friday nights were more of a relief valve. different from the pre-kids party down thing. years later friday night took on family time with pizza and thank goodness beer. and a movie or two. even in single parenting days – i may have only gotten a few of those evenings with my kids –  they were golden. treasured.

when i built my single parenting work life balance days i said things to myself. how do i as a self employed someone structure my time, my days. what i wanted. what were the fine lines of time, when do you do chores, when do you work. when are you a mom. when were you yourself.  this is when you do this. this is when you do that

in this time, discovery, and finding distinctions of self employment, single mom-ness and  even some dating times. i developed a love of cooking/meditation – a time i made the family meal. this is when i let voice mail do its job. when i relished in meal making.  i put love into the evening meal – this practice is still much a part of my life today. a ritual

heck – it’s just me.  who am i fooling. i am a foodie. i have nothing going on in my life, so the only way i am going to eat well is if i prepare it myself.

the only way i can have a friday night is if i crank the tunes and buy my own 6 pack – diet permitting and all.

i love the feel of it.

a friday night and all

this set of images is not a friday night but…

all were taken in one day

including some very good masturbating pictures.

wonder if i sold these panties?

this was the apt i shared with roommate zilla.

her cat was the saving grace of that time period.

at this juncture i had just found the country studio.

i had been living/enduring her for 4 months.

here i am working from home

giggle

her lawn furniture was the living room decor

i did not enjoy this time 3 years ago

i did not.

but i tried to be me somehow.

i did.

 

 

Freedom And Abandon

perhaps i told you that i rearranged my apartment over new years weekend.

turns out its new arrangement makes for better self work.

who knew.

i found myself saying DUH, sure took me long enough to discover how to play with the light in here.

it use to be in my life that weekends included languid lovemaking

love the word lanquid

like the idea of lovemaking with a total sense of freedom and abandon

nothing but time and intimacy

yum

i have been thinking about how i’d ask someone to work with me and my ideas around my nude art photography. photographs of coupling. nothing blaring. conceptual. artful.

putting that out there to strangers would probably not be a great idea.

i met a young guy recently through our beards, he recognized me from a photography group and introduced himself. how sweet. he’s married of course, but a confident enough sort to just be a really nice guy to converse with. refreshing.

he was nice to look at.

his beard is amazing.

we laughed

simple stuff really.

it’s hard to meet an ordinary male human.

i met another man who lent me a camera

that later broke in my good company. ( the camera ) can one say mortified?

he was cool about it. it was an old camera

when i asked him if he dated. like went out on dates.

he said, oh i gave that up some time ago

he said, I got a dog instead.

he was serious.

the dog was the answer to the stress of dating he described.

we can be friends he said.

have yet to hang out with him.

i think the dog thing is too much.

thats just my opinion.

with the increase of emotional support animals out there perhaps i am wrong.

he said once that his dog was a chick magnet

i thought, hmmmm does that mean you want to meet chicks?

thats actually what had me ask me if he dates.

SIGH

when i get my cat. ( which at this rate will be never )

if i become a crazy cat lady will you tell me?

i played with myself today.

these panties are too small

they have a nice sheer to them

which is what i wanted to show off my pubic hair

looks like i had them on inside out

oh well

i had trouble being on my knees like this

shit, shows how long it’s been.

wonder how i get that agility back.

i am open to tips/stretches/practice

sigh.

i was playing with myself

and looked up.

my reflection was across the room

TOO fun

gotta love the everydayness feel of the shot

i really like it

 

 

 

Sharing My Me

because i am the way that i am

which i will at this juncture just define as quirky.

i am feeling a need for review.

my annual blog fee is due very soon for the storage i pay extra for so that all my images can stay here for your good company and my good narration and sharing.

i am ok with that.

what if i wasn’t?

i use to sit with this platform each monday

and author my postings for the week.

if i remember correctly, and i suppose i could look.

i posted at least 3 times a week in the beginning.

i sourced my self portraiture from a “looking at me” for the first time perspective

I shared my found me.

who was that me?

knowing how social media works

i then began posting on Flickr.

i had a community here.

and found community there too.

all seemed to intertwine back then.

i met virtually many who had an interest in me.

now as a matter of process, and a sense of order,  because order is important to me.

i post here with images that are a year gone by

where over at flickr it’s images posted from 2016

Between the two platforms there are over 3500 postings.

THIRTY FIVE HUNDRED.

is that a lot?

to me, it seems like

a LOT.

To review current postings in reality, are yesterdays imagery with todays commentary

unless i am commenting in memoriam.

it’s just the way i’ve done things.

to have a process.

to make sense of it all.

Recent years have been rather intense for me

i am reminded.

hey i got through this

i survived.

it ignites the tenacity in me.

but i tell ya

i feel so very very so tired of being the resilient one sometimes

i don’t really know what i am doing anymore.

someone recently shared that what i said is of influence, another thanked me for my words, and my pubic hair ( ha!! ) others are encouraging, others think i should spread my legs …

why am i here

and why is it so lonely still?

( i love these panties. i think these are from mr detroit. which means they are from early an years — i can’t quite figure out how i got my hands to do that….i just don’t torque that way ….what the heck. i have to say that a year ago, when this pic was taken, was one hell of a time. )

 

IMG_5198

 

 

 

 

Panty Sales Update

a year ago, i sold this pair of panties.

i love the sheer of them.

and i remember this day.

wearing them.

and playing with myself while wearing them.

I thought perhaps i had a little cottage industry going.

which truth be even a year later would be very handy financially.

THINGS are NOT going well on the AN home front at all.

I have had many inquiry this past year for panty sales

and, i unfortunately have had false starts re: payment.

which ended up in no sales.

no little underground panty enterprise

so, there ya have it.

i will say the person who bought this pair?

was one very happy panty lover.

and for that.

i am glad.

so there you have it

a panty sales update.

i have since updated my sales pitch.

it’s my way, my terms, or nothing.

supposed funds are expected from one interested party.

but the funds have not arrived after some time now.

ugh. i hate that.

I still have plenty of panties.

sigh.

Panties For Sale

YOU pick. and pay.

and then I’ll play.

these are not soiled panties.

meaning worn for days or something.

i masturbate wearing them.

multiple times.

i get them really wet.

sound good??

IMG_1657-2

 

 

 

 

 

 

before i sold this recent pair of panties.

i had two other attempts at panty “sales”

those were not positive experiences at all.

however

this recent pair,

and sale.

was VERY VERY positive.

while i want to respect this persons privacy

suffice to say this.

his inquiry was sincere.

his payment was as he had promised.

his anticipation for the arrival of the panty

drove him wild.

and the experience of my panties

for him.

was primal.

his word.

so much so.

he wants more.

giggle.

gotta love a repeat customer.

i liked making my panties wet for someone

who wanted them.

i liked slipping them into the mail.

and receiving an email

that

he could barely type

because he was beside himself excited.

so,

i did a panty inventory.

These seven pair are immediately ready for play.

IMG_1671-2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

two nude thongs. ( one is now sold )

IMG_1670-2

 

 

 

 

 

 

one orange lace thong.

IMG_1668-2

 

 

 

 

 

 

one hot pink lace thong.

IMG_1659-2

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 boy short style with lace/ very soft. one is the featured panty in my header.

IMG_1661-2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

one shiny white boy short. sexy actually against all my hair.

IMG_1663-2

 

 

 

 

 

 

i have a bunch of micro thong.

sortof useless if you ask me.

and hard to attach much musk to them.

i guess ask me about those if you want.

i also have these really fancy pants

IMG_1672-2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

but

( no pun intended)

i like these still.

as prop panties.

( giggle)

maybe i could charge more for them?

they are rather notched up as far as material etc.

very nice.

finally. i still have these.

IMG_1658-2

 

 

 

 

 

 

i call these date panties.

me thinks i will keep those for now.

date bait.

ALL of these panties i have worn on this blog.

some of these panties were a gift from mr detroit and mr bahrain.

they were very generous.

why am I doing this?

truth be

i am in a bit of a panic

i need the cash.

i have got to get ahead of my game here.

if panty sales help?

why not.

Purple Panty Joy

while the envelope took like FOREVER to find this guy.

my purple lace panties finally arrived.

AND

he was one very very happy purchaser.

“they were exactly what i was hoping for”

“totally primal”

he actually said a whole lot more

but a gal should respect a man and my panty privacy.

IMG_0081