Do I Ever Wonder?

do you ever wonder how many cocks have been smacked around to your blog photos?”

hmmmmmmm what a question.

am I here on purpose to provide visuals for men to masturbate to?

I AM NOT

What started one way naively became something else.

Happy accident I guess.

if you are a cock smacker when here, then lucky you.

I get that there is over a decade of anonymously nude images that perhaps imply something of a sexual nature.

i am not by any means a heavily trafficked feed at Flickr. I do find some of my stats interesting though

my feed has had 18 MILLLION views

my most popular post has had

71, 549 views

238 likes

and 104 comments.

is that good?

does that  mean there is lots of cock smacking on flickr??

i have a 52 page word document of praise 52 pages!!! and some of that praise includes declarations of cock smacking.

perhaps all of that is flattering somehow.

i ask this…

what do i do with that all that oooh baby sex talk, the often vulgar adoration, those super gross tributes and dick pictures?

because none of that does a thing for me. sexually anyway.

what do other almost 60 year old women that you know do?

I am not complaining

i am not explaining

i guess i am simply commenting on the question asked

( taken in 2010 i believe – they are a tad dark. pre-lightroom. couch surfing dream couch, so folks said. i have been thinking about and missing a couch. ) 

 

 

Friday Night

Today is really no different than any other Friday. There is no hum here, no date, no friends, no plans, no event to attend.  This is mostly normal for me. The internet and it’s hum is usually less on a Friday. I feel that lessoning. I feel like perhaps folks just don’t have time for me. It’s a self made feeling/decision/conversation in my head,  yet the reality of it is real. On monday the internet vibe is back.

isolating isn’t new to me. social distancing they say.

i do this.

I have posts to write, music i am enjoying, a full fridge for now and leftovers. my cat is in a mood, so there is that, and i didn’t make my bed. I might not make it. whatever – right?

this is a different friday night

The pandemic around us. what a blaring spiral of frightening worldly news,  currently leaves my silver threaded head spinning. It is unnerving. it’s disruptive, it’s alarming. and…it’s real.

around me. the month of march is cancelled. literally. as is most of april. shut it all down. wash your hands, don’t touch your face. where can I find some TP. Better yet, how long does a roll of TP last me, personally? Send me TP.

many strive on. thats what we do. outside of being sick with the coronavirus, you have to hunker down and not spread the germ. be respectful neighbors at the moment

we all have to make our way,

work. some still have to work

or own a business

or are teachers in schools that

can’t send kids that they also feed home

or or or. the scenario’s are endless.

so lets rethink

or create new ways to be out there.

I admire that for some – this is already in place.

As I observe, I am feeling grateful.

we at least have the internet.

if it wasn’t for the interweb – i’d not be famously anonymously nude

i’d not have met most of you

i’d not have a decade of portfolio

i’d not have these blank spaces to brain dump on.

The show that I am part of in Chicago

exhibits virtually.

Each opening is represented with it’s own gallery

forever.

This practice of virtual representation is so important.

not all galleries do this.

some don’t take the time.

some want to remain aloof

yet think about it. times like these

you can still be part of something.

Don’t live in Chicago?

Can’t attend the opening?

Interested in art?

in buying art?

Check out this show.

or other fine galleries online.

and thank you Jackson Junge Gallery.

view the group show or inquire about purchasing here

Opening

The opening is THIS FRIDAY

If you live in Chicago you should attend!

it’s a group show.

theme: steam punk

my work is the only photograph.

16×20

Framed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

plus

they used my photo for the publicity postcard!

will I be there in person?

No.

I am working on my next submission idea – the theme is scapes. right now landscapes that are a BLUR are what my gut tells me to consider.  I’ve pulled all blur work from 2019. I think I need to look back another year. i thought nudes, but my nude scapes are not strong/vibrant enough.

I’ve created a separate website for my alter ego to have a portfolio place.

Perhaps I will find ways to enter into more nude photography shows

 

 

 

goodbye 2019

i am in day 7 of sick.

i guess its called the crud.

i am exhausted

and not particularly happy

at the moment.

i am very very behind

i actually have a very exciting start to my year

sick as i am i cant enjoy it

and that pisses me off

this is my last capture from 2019

i like it.

this is all the energy i have

goodbye 2019

 

A Year Older And Wiser

i am a year older today.

someone complimented something that i wrote earlier today. i wrote about how it was 4 years ago that i moved. my 3200 mile solo quest elsewhere. i remember how i just went for this idea. trusting somehow that i would make it.

this person said ….

“you have such a hold on who you are ….you must know yourself well.”

perhaps 59 is more of a gift than I know.

took myself and a photography friend on an autumn country road trek yesterday

and i got myself a very unusual and very pretty oval blue and white platter.

i asked for things linen.

sheets have holes in them

towels are frayed.

not sure any of that will happen

it’s going to be a tough week.

i did not meet my work quota. gulp.

while i am allowed a grace month

its the only one for this year

i still take a kick in the teeth income wise

i have a lot of ick on my schedule.

including a medical procedure.

weather looks awful.

it’s going to be a long month ahead.

maybe i’ll get myself a piece of cake.

took this the other day

i love it.

laundry did not get done

and i didn’t make the bed either

hate the way a bed looks when it’s occupied solo.

its so. one sided.

but look. that’s me, my hair is flying and the shadows are cool

and i am NUDE

 

 

Karma

sometimes i wonder if karma reveals itself like an angel, or fairy dust, or perhaps karma is a mischievous leprechaun sitting on one’s shoulder. a slithering snake, how about a big fat hairy rat ?

if you take those types of characters — you can identify people around you who are exactly those things.

for solstice i took myself on a day trek.

one of my stops was to deliver art.

a new consignment shop is hosting my work.

the shop keeper is a bespectacled character.

he offers a firm handshake and a huge smile.

he is a real individual

a man living life on his own terms.

we had a long discussion about marching to our own drum

round pegs and square holes

individuality

and non-conforming.

i think it will be good doing business with him.

if there is anything i am good at.

its having my own ideas.

there is life the way some might feel things should go

a linear – point a to point b life.

a life you are suppose to have or portray.

if all these life ducks line up

you will then …

have a good life.

you will then be what.

happy?

rich?

fulfilled?

but what if someone does all the supposed right things??

and ends up seriously miserable.

is that karma?

some think that risk taking

might be adrenaline seeking activities

a river raft trip, a marathon, a climb to the highest mountain top

i do not discount any of these ambitious challenges

i sometimes feel like thrill seeking

once it’s over.

you have to seek the next or top the last thrill.

almost like an addiction.

chasing thrill

may or may not be a way to live a life.

it’s a chase.

not a living.

lately i’ve been observing karma in action

where the way a life has been lived

sortof kicks one in the teeth later.

in my observations

the good prevails

and the bad

is seriously well deserved.

one person in particular

is a player.

that person plays people under the guise of goodwill.

like plays a serious game. munipulative

it doesn’t take long to see that around that person

there is noone.

including family.

all have been alienated.

that person is not beloved.

is that karma?

another took a social climbing conservative path

along the way that path was filled with dishonesty

friends were not cultivated

and that person is also very very alone.

that person appears to others to have a good life

inside that persons heart. it is empty.

another lived a life of loving. and light. a person who finds the good in everythng

a believer in goodness and someone who lives goodness authentically

around this person

is richness.

is this karma?

it takes time to see a persons life for what it actually is.

not all things reveal

in a first meet

a second.

all of this makes me think of marriage.

that supposed happily ever after thing.

i believe so much in the power of two

in pairing

in friendship

in love

but that forced march marriage thing.

not so much.

the other day i made a collage

within the piece there was nudity

sharing it

the story behind the piece

resonated deeply with another

the collage sold

and, i was told i am an inspiration.

i am trying to put self care at the top of what it is i am about

sometimes i feel large. influential, valuable and brave.

sometimes i don’t.

sometimes i feel very small. or lost. or afraid.

is this karma??

Tell the people around you how they make their mark with you. Tell them their value, their strengths, their spirit. If someone isn’t fueling the good in you. Perhaps it’s time to move on.

earlier this month i found these and wanted to be sure to share them again.

also from 2013.

i recall that during this time

some men fans gave me some of their time. their attention.

i think that makes for a better photo.

that someone in particular is looking.

one of my fans once said to me

what is so refreshing about your nude work is you can tell that you are looking at yourself for the very first time.

this was so so VERY true in 2013.

in 2019? not so much

perhaps i should find those first time eyes again.

i am trying to add a dose of my other photography

my non-nude things.

have you noticed?????

there are 90,000 + images in my files.

so much to share

so much narrative

i take way too many photographs.

PS it’s the weekend, i know better ( as I often say ) to post now. but my mind is full, and i have things to say. so. i am saying them.

PSS my day trek was cut short due to issues with my car. 6 months went by with no trauma around this vehicle. me thinks i need a car patron.

I LOVE this set of images.

the 4th shot – is one of my personal favorites.

 

 

 

Summer 2010

i am sure i revisited this story here before.

but what the heck.

lets do it again

i was about to turn 50.

just think, next year

i will turn 60.

ugh.

what a thing the beginning of all of this anonymously nude was.

i had won some money and bought a camera

a good

power shot canon

$500.

I had been in my home a year.

i had pulled that house purchase out my ass.

i had NO business owning a home.

getting one,  was the game to play at that time.

a miracle of sorts.

happened fast.

really really fast.

my nest was became empty

i didn’t quite get that.

now that i think about it

the beginning of alone really.

alone all started then.

someone had given me this wobbly mini tripod

it had a leg that wouldn’t stay extended properly

i was playing with light in the bathroom and looking in a mirror

the camera in full zoom

fell REALLY hard to the floor.

the entirety of the erect lens was cracked.

it looked like a lopsided wedding cake

i was beside myself

these were some of the last shots from that day.

i love the lily capture.

my house had a very strong west exposure much like my city studio does now

the first black and white shot was 2 months later – it is one of the very first shots taken with the camera mr detroit picked out for me. the infamous canon s90. the camera that made me look like a photographer rock star

there was a lot of gifting that occurred at that time looking back.

those painted toes were a gift.

those were panty gifting times too.

so much is of course so different now.

one would expect that after all this time gone by.

older.

alone still.

i can’t really get myself into a bra anymore

i guess in terms of a belly. it’s always been there. just less of one.

there is more of me all over.

my pussy hair. thinner, less of it seemingly. silver. its more course. less silky.

do i even have that line of hair anymore from my belly button??

my daughter has that stool now

it was always hers.

i borrowed it.

such a spiral how it all played out.

what might i be photographing today should i still be living in the same space?

with that light??

what would my life be like?