Bad Behavior

on my mind lately is the very frustrating task known as online dating.

granted i have been single for some time.

when i began authoring this blog i was single. that was in 2009

all of you have been along for the epic ride known as  …AN and her dating.

and still. here i sit

single.

so there is that.

ALL these years here

i have had only rare circumstances of rude, over the top lewdness, and or completely inappropriate behavior.

i have not ever felt afraid, overtly objectified, stalked or any other unfortunate but often typical  bad male behaviour

and i really mean this, for the most part you ALL have really been ladies and gentleman here.

this has always been MY creative outlet, my mind dump, my attention seeking place and my space to set boundaries.

i have never used this space to seek a date.

just didn’t seem like the place to do that.

should i?

add that my demographic here

is largely married men

like 98%

you do know that about yourselves don’t you?

married men do very little to move the reality of my life forward.

they might like me, be kind and supportive of me, even gift things to me.

in the end, i am last in their immediate circle.

i am a virtual distraction from their day to day life.

i get that i am erotic here. i get that consequences of that too.

i know that masturbation to my images occurs here.

i get it.

i realize i am rambling

but something happened this week.

i complained a bit about being stood up

and in general about the ick and frustrating tone at my dating site.

more things occurred this past week.  like many more.

and now,

my profile was pissing guys off.

that has NEVER happened to me before.

the images i use for my profile are from here

not nude of course, but suggestive, artful, complimentary to me

and grown up, at least from my perspective, about being a sexual being

i mean we are in our 50’s for gosh sakes.

so,

my images arouse i guess.

well not i guess.

i know they are arousing and provocative.

similar to what i do here – no face, or if so, a portion of my face

all in the name of my artistic expression.

i want to be understood for me.

a creative.

a passionate being.

i have been using these images for YEARS

well…

some name calling started.

men calling me names.

unkind names.

this was when they wrote to me from some other state.

i graciously declined them because of distance.

in response they called me a tease and a whore.

4 different circumstances

what ???

my profile says local dating …

i am not saying available for a good time with anyone from anywhere.

again more than one man did this …this week.

wtf?

ANOTHER guy from out of the country said he wanted to meet me

i declined.

politely.

he said that my images gave him a boner

i should cooperate and meet him

his entitlement so to speak

became outraged,

he demanded image exchange.

and then he went to say

that if i am going to sexually advertise

that i need to put out.

that men are going to behave like horny assholes

because my images cause that in them.

so woman are the reason for bad behavior in men???

i replied saying something like

perhaps the power of my images

has to do with my being a remarkable artist/photographer

and that the allure

is a compliment of my work

not a detriment to my person or character.

he would have nothing to do with that.

this grown man was having an internet tantrum

the beauty of any of these places

is the block feature.

while i took into consideration who he was in his profile

someone who thought of himself as perfect, the gosh i am a gift to all woman sort of guy.

perhaps an isolated incident.

STILL the exchange actually really rattled me.

have i been MISUNDERSTOOD all this time??

is that what is going on here??

SO

i took down all my arty me pictures.

put up ordinary pictures of my face.

took out all my answers to questions

about healthy sexual adventures

and shortened my content.

let’s see if that changes anything.

i just want something to look forward to, someone to do things with, someone to make laugh and to miss when he’s not around. i am an easy date, a walk, a meal, a project, a film, i am such good company. i want to feel needed, and useful, and treasured. is that so hard?

IMG_0283 IMG_0284 IMG_0285

 

 

12 thoughts on “Bad Behavior

  1. I am married and I admid that a have used your sexual explicid pictures for my own lust, but I would never be rude in my comments.
    What I think is the problem, is that the majority mankind is not very intelligent and mostly frustrated for what ever. They make rude comments to compensate there own shortcommings. And of cours such a nice sexual liberated woman like you gets much attention but not always good ones.
    Your probably right to be a bit less playfull on your datingsite so you would attract men who means well.
    Nice blog, keep on doing it

  2. AN,

    I am sorry you are and have experienced this on whichever site you were at. It is not cool especially since you obviously put it out there. I have learned over the years that one should always take a stance of appreciation when someone chooses to share anything with you. After all it is their (the sharer’s) right and you are privileged to be in a position to experience it. Especially when it’s something, personal, sensitive, or intimate. Those ass holes because that is what they are don’t have the level of appreciation I think we the 98% of you those here have for you. You stated some things which are true about your demographic and I think in some ways if not all the feelings are mutual even in the illusion or fantasy of it all. YET there is a part of me and I am sure shared by most of us whether single/married/involved that we all really would like to fill that void with you. At least here we know it in some way and we respect that you, yes YOU, AN have created this platform for the benefit of free expression & also for you to know and enjoy the mutual exchange that occurs in the safety of this garden you created.

    With that being said most dating sites are and can be trivial rubbish OR sometimes even better, but with those some other level of caution need be exercised. For one a degree of anonymity still need to be taken (with your choice of screen name and also what you reveal be it face / or location identifiable stuff)

    Now for the stuff you did have up there – I will say there is other sites that are more open to those posts much like here that are gated and offer a lot of anonymity either for the security of it OR even the fantasy of it. I had been on one which for a time was quite good for poetic exchange and appeal and also for more appreciative camaraderie on a two way street rather than say me observing as I am here and commenting , then there was better collaboration and I don’t mean web cam crap I just mean the level of exchange was good and stimulating and the subject matters were varied and broad vs the obvious which is sex/erotica in some capacity or form.

    I hope I am making some sense… anyway, as the other poster said and I agree – THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, THANKS SO MUCH FOR SHARING, THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALLOWING US TO CARE AND FOR YOU CARING TO SHARE AND AROUSE AND KNOW – that we I think all of us, if not all , at least me/I like and want / welcome more of you any time.

    Cheers

    BB

  3. All that rant and your showing your beautiful sexy butt? You do realize your ass may have a certain effect on guys where the blood flows out of the brain to areas south? Meaning their brains can’t really function well if at all. That’s not an excuse for male behavior either I just find the rant and subsequent choice of photos very interesting. It falls in the category of I don’t understand women I guess. And please don’t get me wrong I happen to be a very big fan of your butt. I’m thinking about starting an AN butt appreciation fan page one day. It’s going to be a hit, or should I say a smack on the ass or slap on the ass? See I’m thinking about your ass and forget my point. Oh yeah I didn’t really have one I just wanted you to smile as you read this.

    I’d keep the suggestive images and sexual healthy adventures out of the profile and leave all that for a few dates in. I view online dating as marketing, marketing yourself. We all know advertisements say one thing but mean another. I think men are reading into what is on your page and making a judgment based off of that. Once you meet and form some sort of connection you can start opening up that part of you.

    One last thought was the dryer on when you took these shots?

    • wasn’t masturbating on the dryer like something women did in the 80’s? it’s vibe would not really be my thing but imagine all you want my dear –let’s not say rant, lets say ..verbal exploration and …sometimes what have to share and what i have to say are two different things. re: dating. leaving my dating life in the hands of geeks is probably not a good idea.

      • Yeah I didn’t like rant either it wasn’t the right word. Form now on it will be verbal exploration. (like I’ll remember that).
        You did get my 80’s dryer reference, good. It was a suspicious pose and you know since “something” broke I thought maybe…
        Just giving you the male perspective on dating for what it’s worth. I want to see you head over heels in love with a great guy.

      • i feel that way about all of your acronyms but i feel we both are well intended. yeah that something broke was never gifted/replaced for me so — i am self touch challenged these days. at least during cave days there was some actual male anatomy. i don’t think i even believe in head over heels anymore — i’d love to eat those words/thoughts

      • You’ll eat them, your a lover AN, it’s part of your make up. Your just at an in-between stage a place where you can recharge and get ready for the next Mr. Luckyone.

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