on my mind lately is the very frustrating task known as online dating.
granted i have been single for some time.
when i began authoring this blog i was single. that was in 2009
all of you have been along for the epic ride known as …AN and her dating.
and still. here i sit
so there is that.
ALL these years here
i have had only rare circumstances of rude, over the top lewdness, and or completely inappropriate behavior.
i have not ever felt afraid, overtly objectified, stalked or any other unfortunate but often typical bad male behaviour
and i really mean this, for the most part you ALL have really been ladies and gentleman here.
this has always been MY creative outlet, my mind dump, my attention seeking place and my space to set boundaries.
i have never used this space to seek a date.
just didn’t seem like the place to do that.
add that my demographic here
is largely married men
you do know that about yourselves don’t you?
married men do very little to move the reality of my life forward.
they might like me, be kind and supportive of me, even gift things to me.
in the end, i am last in their immediate circle.
i am a virtual distraction from their day to day life.
i get that i am erotic here. i get that consequences of that too.
i know that masturbation to my images occurs here.
i get it.
i realize i am rambling
but something happened this week.
i complained a bit about being stood up
and in general about the ick and frustrating tone at my dating site.
more things occurred this past week. like many more.
my profile was pissing guys off.
that has NEVER happened to me before.
the images i use for my profile are from here
not nude of course, but suggestive, artful, complimentary to me
and grown up, at least from my perspective, about being a sexual being
i mean we are in our 50’s for gosh sakes.
my images arouse i guess.
well not i guess.
i know they are arousing and provocative.
similar to what i do here – no face, or if so, a portion of my face
all in the name of my artistic expression.
i want to be understood for me.
a passionate being.
i have been using these images for YEARS
some name calling started.
men calling me names.
this was when they wrote to me from some other state.
i graciously declined them because of distance.
in response they called me a tease and a whore.
4 different circumstances
my profile says local dating …
i am not saying available for a good time with anyone from anywhere.
again more than one man did this …this week.
ANOTHER guy from out of the country said he wanted to meet me
he said that my images gave him a boner
i should cooperate and meet him
his entitlement so to speak
he demanded image exchange.
and then he went to say
that if i am going to sexually advertise
that i need to put out.
that men are going to behave like horny assholes
because my images cause that in them.
so woman are the reason for bad behavior in men???
i replied saying something like
perhaps the power of my images
has to do with my being a remarkable artist/photographer
and that the allure
is a compliment of my work
not a detriment to my person or character.
he would have nothing to do with that.
this grown man was having an internet tantrum
the beauty of any of these places
is the block feature.
while i took into consideration who he was in his profile
someone who thought of himself as perfect, the gosh i am a gift to all woman sort of guy.
perhaps an isolated incident.
STILL the exchange actually really rattled me.
have i been MISUNDERSTOOD all this time??
is that what is going on here??
i took down all my arty me pictures.
put up ordinary pictures of my face.
took out all my answers to questions
about healthy sexual adventures
and shortened my content.
let’s see if that changes anything.
i just want something to look forward to, someone to do things with, someone to make laugh and to miss when he’s not around. i am an easy date, a walk, a meal, a project, a film, i am such good company. i want to feel needed, and useful, and treasured. is that so hard?