Night Light

i had switched to this side of the country studio. the west side.

because a mouse had run in between my feet as i was reading.

i was pissed. i set two traps. (i’ll get you you furry pest.)

i don’t miss the mice.

the scurry, the chewing, their stupid droppings. everywhere

i do miss the light of that place.

two windows,

two doors.

doors with screens.

air.

the most immediate access to country that i have ever had before.

it’s not like that here at the loft.

and it won’t be like that where i may be going next.

things are going to shift again.

stay tuned

Buttoned Up

what keeps me here

and what keeps me nude

is you.

and, i can’t say enough how much i love that.

 

in recent times though

some of you

have simply not had me want to be here.

thus an entire month has now transpired

with just one set taken of playful nude photography.

which i had not paid attention to until now.

there is more going on in my life besides disrespectful fans.

i am struggling.

and i am alone.

none of that is new.

much of that is on me.

my stuff.

suffice to say though

being in my face, expectant and rude

in relationship to my nudity, my photography, my art

has not helped.

I have dismantled my Patreon profile.

it’s there but all the posts are gone.

and perhaps i will find a way to reword it

perhaps not.

i do not feel patreon is the issue.

at all.

and,

the opportunity to be an actual patron

is still there.

should that be of interest to anyone of you

but

I will not be part of this “expectation” stuff.

not there, here or

anywhere.

done.

a bit back

on my online dating profile

some men, not just one

but several

shared that they thought my artful, playful, beautiful self imagery

was a reason to “put out”

that i was a tease. and other not so kind words.

whatever comments they shared I feel were their issues

but many comments like that, in a row? and in my face?

ugh.

just not in the mood for it.

add my current struggles, and my not feeling particularly appealing.

it just makes me want to button myself up.

which does not feel good.

at all.

Figure It Out

some bad behavior lately here. not good. there is behavior from you that is attractive, there is behavior that is not. there is behavior that is out and out repulsive. those who repulse do so with noone but themselves in their mind. their automatic “i’m sorry” is not authentic. they beg. they apologize when they know they have misbehaved. they KNOW. and they think that their automatic i didn’t mean it will get them far.  no thank you – please do not expect me to “put out” or to be something i am not, or to make a little video for you or or or or

when i am understood. treated respectfully. accepted for who i am

images like this are what transpire. they are playful, arty, nude and offer something. a gift of myself in the moment. these were taken with a fan in mind who was kind to me.

be sure you understand ladies and gentlemen. figure out why i am here.


1452

This will be my fourteen hundred and fifty second time

that

i’ve added a new post here.

wow.

i guess thats a good thing.

not doing so good at the moment

underestimated the amount my check

was going to be

by about 4%.

it’s better than not making quota of the month prior.

yet

it’s just enough to be shy

of what i need to get to the next pay check

by about $200.

there is nothing, not even a jar of change

to enjoy the upcoming holiday season.

ugh.

it’s going to be a very very long month ahead.

food

gas

$ for cards/stamps – holiday greetings

$ for art supplies

was where some of those missing funds were going to be spent

if you want to help.

i’d be grateful.

not much has really shifted

since a year ago.

the memories are intense.

really intense.

a year ago was when my car died

remember?

these pictures were taken the day

i found out a patron had come forward

and i had the beginnings of a car fund.

hope.

the sun even came streaming in.

now that i no longer live

at the country studio?

i sortof wonder how i

got though these days.

i guess in memory

we can always see

to the other side of

most things.

it’s certainly not my nudity

that gets me through tough times

 

Sad Green Chair

I would look mighty more appealing in said green chair my dears,

all curvy and nude with your imagination running wild …

if someone would help reupholster this beauty.

It’s earmarked as a project over at my patreon.

i have not had it price quoted though.

me thinks it’s probably pricy

the good news about this chair

it’s really solid in it’s construction

just needs some love.

new cushions

preferably not horse hair.

( kid you not. horse hair cushions)

Circular Perspective

the nipple view from the small hand mirror.

its when you see

the circular way you do life

and that change

is not

that much change after all.

that a mirror reflects

someone you barely even know anymore.

so much just stays the same.

wearing a fishnet teddy

seriously

makes no sense these days.

does the shift in season

and light

add a struggle to your mood?

your day?