A Bit Of A Spiral

last august i had a bit of a spiral.

had gotten the news of my eyes.

my car had gotten hit

there were other car issues.

the landlord at the time was doing some buildout or something

my personal space wasn’t quiet.

there was lurking.

i was in between projects

felt like i was floundering emotionally

i took on a personal art project

and disappeared.

the creative immersion help distract me.

i spend quite a bit of time between my four walls.

mostly money related

glad to say this august isn’t like that

perhaps even this extra bit of space is all one needs.

i am really scared financially.

sigh

i’ve been here before.

perhaps the patreon will help.

so far.

i am not sure if anyone is there.

i mean is anyone looking at it

wondering about

what a patron only 

can see??

i mean once you start the thing

until it takes off

its a tad haunting

I Really Hope

I REALLY hope that just because

i started a patreon profile

that you don’t disappear.

currently it feels that way.

not complaining.

noticing.

i know that it is summer

 

i understand that on weekends

you just don’t check in.

the reality of that has always been that way.

my entire being here

at this blog.

is because

of interactions

HERE.

so…

don’t go away.

OK??

my menopausal middle arrived in a surge of weight gain

right around the time i moved in w/ mr cowboy

it happened so fast i felt like

a water balloon about to burst

the middle filled in a way that can not be flattering

i feel like an ooompa loompa

breast and thigh flesh fell

in an indescribable way. flesh pockets just there

deflated breast tissue.

what the hell??

that hairy bush seems thinner

that flesh above all that hair

poochier.

UGH.

re-direct.

my focus ?

certainly not at all of that.

plus all the surviving these last two years?

the focus has turned to

art.

and.

i am happiest my friends

when i am making.

the game i am playing this month at patreon is

20 folks gift $20

and each get a little something in the mail from me.

but if 20 don’t play??

noone gets a little something

so – play if you want to – and kindly share if you wouldn’t mind


 

Pointing South

yup —

flat as a pancake breast tissue pointing south summer nipples.

i mean look at that flat breast!

it was hot

the window offered a breeze.

i was reading a book.

the elastic in that dress made me sweat.

hate that.

it’s hot today too

breast tissue.

flatter.

nipples.

more south.

they don’t prepare you for this stuff.

my patreon account is here

i appreciate the patronage.

A Long Talking To

there was a time in my life

a challenging time

one of many.

where a gal friend said

make a list of what you need

and ask for help.

at that time, i had lost use of my right hand

i had the help i needed for almost 8 weeks.

all i had to do was ask.

strangers even helped.

the experience was beyond humbling.

asking for help was not something i had ever done before.

those who gave got my family and I through a very very hard time.

the experience of others helping me has happened other times.

over and over i am reminded of the generosity and kindness that is around us

the other day a long time friend from here asked me what I was up against in current times….

and he,

much like she did so long ago…

said it’s time to ask for help.

and so,

I have created a patreon profile.

are you familiar with Patreon??

I have been observing it for some time.

marveling at it actually.

some very dear to me folks

are really getting the funds they need and deserve for their creative endeavors.

i have had patrons at some level gift to me

but in a random and non-specific way.

i didn’t really know how to separate the me, the alter ego me, and the creative work and have it be of value

and then it just hit me

and…

it made sense to set the profile up

and develop it accordingly.

like this moment where it just made sense.

i am nervous about it

i am excited to be part of what the support channel might be like

a different sort of

feel the love.

 

Its Going To Be OK…

it’s going to be OK

right?

i am going to make it.

i am going to get through

all of this.

 

10 steps forward

10 steps back

not so easy this life shifting moving thing.

there has been some nudes taken here

in the new place.

at least there is that.

not this shot.

sorry.

this pic shares

angst.

even a year ago.

maybe that is all there is?

what do you think?

 

A Blur

i am ok.

thanks ever so for your asking

i love that you worry about me

i beat the last day to vacate

by one day.

saw the new place on a monday.

signed a lease on wednesday

slipped away silently on thursday

good bye country studio

hello 9 miles further north

and hello my new LOFT apt!!

i am TIRED.

so so tired.

and i am relieved.

and HAPPY.

it’s been one week

all happened super quickly.

the space will be where i live/work

AND

i am strategizing/planning/ dreaming of

opening a gallery! A life time dream!

the space here is SO perfect for that.

sponsors/patrons/investors needed!!

pinch me!!

in the meantime,

here is something that examples the blur i am feeling.

it will take me some time to figure out the light, bright and the nudity of it all here.