Sensible Shoes

my hits here are low lately.

its making me sad.

on this very date, 3 years ago things began with mr cowboy. shit. three years. let me get it out of my system. ok?

it had been 6 yrs prior of other. in todays day i will just call simply describe the other as story collecting. many of those years were celibate or in recovery from surgeries. or trysts. or or or.  

that’s almost a decade.

prior to that 28 years of marriage. i should really be all shriveled up by now. what do i have to show for any of it.  my jaded perspectives of men?

no wonder noone hangs out here …its sad here.

i loved this little beginning three years ago. me and my birthday suit. i was going to get laid this night – i knew it. my favorite gift ever for my birthday is to get laid. seemed to be a challenge during my marriages. i didn’t yearn for anything fancy …sex was such a simple thing. that, and maybe a pair of practical shoes!! ha!!

i can’t imagine what it must be like to know me. i mean this.

especially to know me in todays day.

i am just not the same person anymore.

i need a new sexual awakening.

and some sensible shoes.

those roses were so gorgeous

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Steeped In Memory

slightly steeped in memory lane here.

i mean wow….

just can’t quite get over how this year has flown by.

a YEAR!!

in these images

i was at the cave

those three rooms were stacked very very tall with boxes

mr cowboy unfortunately

showed more of his true colors,

it was very very uncomfortable.

i was filled with

layers of

fear

panic

loss

and

had thoughts like

am i really really doing this?

mostly i thought …

i can’t leave soon enough.

like get me out of here. now.

i am always amazed when that switch goes off

at one point i was choosing to live with that man

those last days

the person i fell for and trusted was positively unrecognizable.

so there you have it

my big butt

my wide thighs

and that mr wand was all that kept me good company

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Entitled

in a few weeks i turn a year older.

at this time of the year i always think i am more deserved somehow.

that the room will fill with flowers

and presents

and chocolate cake.

like i am about 6 or something.

last year prior to my birthday

it was like this.

bleak.

me, me and me.

when i met mr cowboy

my birthday was one of our first dates.

shit — if that wasn’t 3 years ago.

damn him.

he did it right.

and i liked that.

last year i was with friends.

it was day two of my journey west

i had left

chocolate cake was had. really good chocolate cake was had.

i still listen to the message my daughter left me.

this year.

well, i don’t have an oven to bake my own something chocolate.

not to mention i suck at baking.

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An Ode To

bear with me my fans, my patient friends.

we are near the end of remembering.

painful at some level.

for me.

and perhaps you too.

here we are in those final weeks I spent in preparation to

going.

my huge leap of faith.

the amazing sequence of events that had moving west happen for me,

make a decision.

and dreams really do come true.

money found me

places to stay along the way found me

the planning came together.

you were all there for me.

truly.

this image set was taken at the end of labor day weekend.

the dog was gone

mr cowboy had travelled,

he was gone

i packed at a pitch.

i filled the cave with stacks of boxes labelled “my life”

i was leaving all that i knew.

not just mr cowboy

not just years of relatedness

i was leaving where i had lived my entire being.

i was also relaxed

the tension and tip toeing

had been put on hold

at least

for these moments

an ode

to

 

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One Black Dress Or Another

in color, 2014.

in black and white, 2015.

and in full.  2016.  

i acquired these two dresses as hand me downs. they’ve become what i wear around the house on the weekends.

house dresses i guess.

one is cut low in the front. both in the back are cut so they ride low.

i like the way that feels. in the days of having a lover.

these dresses made for …easy access.

i liked that too.

its been a year-ish now. that lovemaking thing. not going to dwell there too much. really uncool to have someone like me to have my passion be so unexpressed. sigh.

it’s also nearing my bday.  

i usually get a hankering for a new dress or something.

funny – as transient as things were a year ago?  

any birthday gifting got lost in the shuffle.  

i was not successful in getting a something new.

better luck next time eh?

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