my hits here are low lately.
its making me sad.
on this very date, 3 years ago things began with mr cowboy. shit. three years. let me get it out of my system. ok?
it had been 6 yrs prior of other. in todays day i will just call simply describe the other as story collecting. many of those years were celibate or in recovery from surgeries. or trysts. or or or.
that’s almost a decade.
prior to that 28 years of marriage. i should really be all shriveled up by now. what do i have to show for any of it. my jaded perspectives of men?
no wonder noone hangs out here …its sad here.
i loved this little beginning three years ago. me and my birthday suit. i was going to get laid this night – i knew it. my favorite gift ever for my birthday is to get laid. seemed to be a challenge during my marriages. i didn’t yearn for anything fancy …sex was such a simple thing. that, and maybe a pair of practical shoes!! ha!!
i can’t imagine what it must be like to know me. i mean this.
especially to know me in todays day.
i am just not the same person anymore.
i need a new sexual awakening.
and some sensible shoes.
those roses were so gorgeous
that natural light bright moment when the sun would just fill the kitchen of the cave.
the place felt cozy in that moment.
of course when moments are solo they don’t feel so cozy.
yes i enjoy gifts for my birthday
yes I have a PO box
and an amazon gifting account.
( blush )
slightly steeped in memory lane here.
i mean wow….
just can’t quite get over how this year has flown by.
in these images
i was at the cave
those three rooms were stacked very very tall with boxes
mr cowboy unfortunately
showed more of his true colors,
it was very very uncomfortable.
i was filled with
had thoughts like
am i really really doing this?
mostly i thought …
i can’t leave soon enough.
like get me out of here. now.
i am always amazed when that switch goes off
at one point i was choosing to live with that man
those last days
the person i fell for and trusted was positively unrecognizable.
so there you have it
my big butt
my wide thighs
and that mr wand was all that kept me good company
in a few weeks i turn a year older.
at this time of the year i always think i am more deserved somehow.
that the room will fill with flowers
and chocolate cake.
like i am about 6 or something.
last year prior to my birthday
it was like this.
me, me and me.
when i met mr cowboy
my birthday was one of our first dates.
shit — if that wasn’t 3 years ago.
he did it right.
and i liked that.
last year i was with friends.
it was day two of my journey west
i had left
chocolate cake was had. really good chocolate cake was had.
i still listen to the message my daughter left me.
well, i don’t have an oven to bake my own something chocolate.
not to mention i suck at baking.
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Tagged alone, anonymously nude, artful nude, artist, beauty, courage, masturbate, natural, playful expression, self touch, shadow |
something about these pictures made me feel like i had gotten my “me” back
Posted in About AN, OLD NEWS |
Tagged alone, anonymously nude, artful nude, beauty, courage, heading west, moving, moving on, nipple, nude, private |
bear with me my fans, my patient friends.
we are near the end of remembering.
painful at some level.
and perhaps you too.
here we are in those final weeks I spent in preparation to
my huge leap of faith.
the amazing sequence of events that had moving west happen for me,
make a decision.
and dreams really do come true.
money found me
places to stay along the way found me
the planning came together.
you were all there for me.
this image set was taken at the end of labor day weekend.
the dog was gone
mr cowboy had travelled,
he was gone
i packed at a pitch.
i filled the cave with stacks of boxes labelled “my life”
i was leaving all that i knew.
not just mr cowboy
not just years of relatedness
i was leaving where i had lived my entire being.
i was also relaxed
the tension and tip toeing
had been put on hold
for these moments
Posted in OLD NEWS |
Tagged alone, an ode, anonymously nude, artful nude, artist, Ass, beauty, breath, courage, letting it go, natural, nude photography, private, selfportrait |
in color, 2014.
in black and white, 2015.
and in full. 2016.
i acquired these two dresses as hand me downs. they’ve become what i wear around the house on the weekends.
house dresses i guess.
one is cut low in the front. both in the back are cut so they ride low.
i like the way that feels. in the days of having a lover.
these dresses made for …easy access.
i liked that too.
its been a year-ish now. that lovemaking thing. not going to dwell there too much. really uncool to have someone like me to have my passion be so unexpressed. sigh.
it’s also nearing my bday.
i usually get a hankering for a new dress or something.
funny – as transient as things were a year ago?
any birthday gifting got lost in the shuffle.
i was not successful in getting a something new.
better luck next time eh?