Outfit Deja Vu

get out of town.

i have this very same outfit on

like right now.

yes, this very minute

i am adorned exactly the same way as these shots!

ha!!

that around the house

simple

get up.

obviously nothing fancy.

no bra

no panties.

hair up in a clip.

sameness.

this image series

was taken at the cave.

it was wicked hot that day.

not sure what i was making there…

today

i also have a sweatshirt on.

cuz …it’s not hot here.

just so you know.

we are celebrating.

today is the very day mr cowboy

ended things

one year ago,

as i described it then,

that was a day that

my life turned upside down.

a breakupversary!  ha!!!

we can call that word an AN – ism.

i am so over the break up. him.

so to speak.

just not over.

the lack of completion around it all.

no closure.

ownership.

chalk it up i guess to those times in your life where someone is simply passing you by.

there is a sameness to my life sometimes

i will have to replicate this series here in my country studio.

keep that sameness thing going.

P1000576 P1000577 P1000578 P1000579

Dress 2015

that thing you do when you see a really really inexpensive dress and you buy it.

and then,

you put it on and you are like.

really?

and then,

there is that thing you do

because you are menopausal

and in the midwest

in july

your not only hot.

you are menopausally hot

which don’t get me wrong is a completely different hot

than the hot that comes with being pregnant on the 5th floor of your city apartment without air conditioning

some years prior.

like 29 years ago prior.

the thing is?

you JUST DONT CARE

because the dress is like wearing nothing

and it generally covers all

your bad spots.

the truth is…

the dress is

really cheesy

tacky

and

sad.

but

then again

so was

i.

P1000544

 

Pink Glass

this arrived in the mail yesterday.

a gift from mr san fran,  he is someone who gifts me on my birthday or when i’ve moved. i find his kindness sweet, and very very generous.

he wondered if anyone had gifted my dildo that had broken.

and no,

noone had.

sigh.

a few days later.

this arrived.

YAY!!

as dildo’s go, it’s a mini. meaning. it’s not as long and girthy as my former, however it’s nice and hard, and curved just right. i like the pink glass. it’s pretty!!

so there.

and thank you!!!

IMG_3249-2

I Feel Your Pain

not sure how my system of sharing here evolved, perhaps i feared that if i ever shared images in actual here i am time, that i’d be scrambling to take another something nude and lose what i feel is authentic nudity vs what i see so many others doing, that… here is my nudity for the day shot.  ( mouthful of a sentence – sorry )  does that makes sense though??  add that i share in sequence because that is how i think and process things.  well here we are sequentially.  right in the prime of heartbreak with mr cowboy. i could perhaps not mention the …this was taken then,  but truth be. i am really still making sense of it all. i mean what a twilight zone ya know?  i brought my green chair to the cave, but as light and space challenged as it was there, my work place ended up being this blue couch corner so to speak. i mean look at how dark it was? that was a morning picture!!

i had dabbled with this laying on the couch pose before. it seems so classic some how and so so very alone. which is the feeling that purveyed during that time.  I love these. i love the way the couch felt against my body. 

i still don’t understand how one can invite you to live with them, for the purpose of helping you, and because they say they are thrilled by your very good company and then they just ignore you. i would sit here. he would have gone to bed. early. again. and the silence and hurt would be thick around me.

even the pup had “i feel your pain” eyes.  ( what a love she was ) if  could afford to feed an animal – i’d get one in a heartbeat. this dog got me through the cave days!!

IMG_0303

IMG_0304 IMG_0305 IMG_0312 IMG_0403

The Parts.

had i realized how much i loved these.

i would have taken more shots here.

this was in front of the bathroom door closed

and across from the washer and dryer,

in the little hallway that connected the kitchen to the living room.

it was about this time last year when things started to spiral

between he and i.

i am now feeling the memories of it all.

i think here i was looking really hard

at what he might have seen in me.

i wasn’t feeling it then.

i saw it here.

look…

i am beautiful!!

when i am attracted to a man

i like to look at all the parts.

the parts that i like.

whatever that might be

it’s like the parts please me

if i were a man.

i’d enjoy this view.

and the parts.

IMG_0290 IMG_0293