So Relaxed

i am having one of those days where the gotta gotta list is rather long. yet. my ability to focus is like nill. like i can’t. very basic tasks. distracted. spacing out. things not happening. the lunar pull they say has been very strong, falling asleep – even though going to bed dead tired, is hindered. actual sleep has been hard to find. awake. 4 am. awake. two nights now. ugh. is it the moon? i have no idea. is it another delightful symptom to my being in my 50’s. perhaps. i mean i’ve had all the other symptoms. why not add this one too. is it that i am anxious. i’d say no more than usual anxious. but there ya go. i am off my game. maybe i am simply tired.

on my trip i started out playing with the lumix. as the trip wore on, for the ease of and i am not sure why otherwise, i went back to the canon.

these are lumix

i love these.

i was so relaxed then.


love the gritty feel

first post

heading west.




Just Be Done

following along in sequence. final days at the cave, go here.  and, i am ready to post these final days with a better detachment than i was before. i love that about being human. grace finds us. it’s not that i was holding on to him. i was holding onto my part in the matter.  if i am honest, i feel REALLY stupid for some of the decisions i made, the falling for, the believing in, the trusting. i was stupid. gullible and blind. what i thought, or how i decided or why doesn’t matter. not now anyway. i have a folder of images titled reality sitting on my desktop. they are images that tell a “wait a minute this is not what i signed up for” story.  i look at them and feel such a kerplunk. the reality of him hit so hard and so fast after I moved in. some of that reality i had no idea about. the things we don’t know.  right??  all of it, at some layer took courage, and gumption to get through, and i have that. i will always have that.  i haven’t decided if i will post those reality images of him or not. why would i? to point at him and share what i survived? or more so, to share the sadness of it, to tell the tale of the shame he carried with him. are those images me judging him? or are they images with eyes wide open. click. was this really happening? someone asked me what i would say to him now. since there was no closure, i really want to know why. why he lead me on. with clarity i feel he got in over his head emotionally, but it was too late to back out. so he waited for something stupid to get upset about. drama for the wrong reasons.  all i can do is speculate right??? 

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Sponsor Me

i have had a bit of an arty whirl lately.

i submitted 5 pieces to a juried exhibit and all 5 were accepted!

24 artist all told are part of the show. 6 images were used for their marketing

2 were mine!!

i additionally participated in a collaborative exhibit.

and, sold a few small pieces.

how about them apples?!!

this spires tremendous confidence within me.

reassures my direction creatively.

i have a new opportunity to submit to a rather swank juried exhibit in the realm of nudity. the show is actually a 3 day festival.

i would like to begin making a name for myself in my alter ego

this gives me the freedom to express my nude side of me

submitting to shows is expensive.

this nude show is $35 to enter five submissions. while that may not seem like a lot. it’s a whole lot if all five of your pieces are selected.

this just happened to me. i really really had to scramble. one piece in particular after a whole lot of errors in printing, and lack of funds to properly frame.  i failed miserably in representing it.  i can chalk it up to being new, but i know better, i wasn’t prepared for success.

this is why i am asking for sponsoring

I am asking for funds

to help me enter art shows.

not just this upcoming show.

other shows too.

Costs include:

an entrance fee

image printing. $15/square foot.

shipping of the image for framing.  $12 rolled

glass $10/square foot

matt and frame. it depends.

I estimate $100 – $125 to do a single entry properly.

plus depending on where the show is. delivery.

I really can’t enter a show unless I have the funds to do it upfront.

The more funds i secure the more pieces I can enter.

Would you like to sponsor me?





May Not Be Vampy

i know in the past i’ve vamped it up here for my birthday.  

but i wasn’t kidding when i said …i am not myself lately.

the truth is….i mostly feel like this.


closeted out here in the middle of nowhere with noone actually in my day to day life.

it’s easy to get lost in a fluffy bathrobe.

this is a really quite the awesome bathrobe.

when i shot this pic i made myself completely laugh.

me, myself and i laugh out loud laugh. i got off the self pity thing and played


it may not be vamp AN, but hey its what i’ve got img_5588at the moment.

i had a terrific me day. i also did something my birthday weekend  ive never ever done before – a real test of self. and i had a day trek with mr boatman. additionally i had a flurry of an i am artist week with an opening, a collaborative installation, and a few sold items.  when i put things into those perspectives i have so much going for me right now.

so there. happy birthday goofy me.  

thank you to the few of you who sent something. very special of you and very appreciated.






Sensible Shoes

my hits here are low lately.

its making me sad.

on this very date, 3 years ago things began with mr cowboy. shit. three years. let me get it out of my system. ok?

it had been 6 yrs prior of other. in todays day i will just call simply describe the other as story collecting. many of those years were celibate or in recovery from surgeries. or trysts. or or or.  

that’s almost a decade.

prior to that 28 years of marriage. i should really be all shriveled up by now. what do i have to show for any of it.  my jaded perspectives of men?

no wonder noone hangs out here …its sad here.

i loved this little beginning three years ago. me and my birthday suit. i was going to get laid this night – i knew it. my favorite gift ever for my birthday is to get laid. seemed to be a challenge during my marriages. i didn’t yearn for anything fancy …sex was such a simple thing. that, and maybe a pair of practical shoes!! ha!!

i can’t imagine what it must be like to know me. i mean this.

especially to know me in todays day.

i am just not the same person anymore.

i need a new sexual awakening.

and some sensible shoes.

those roses were so gorgeous

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Steeped In Memory

slightly steeped in memory lane here.

i mean wow….

just can’t quite get over how this year has flown by.

a YEAR!!

in these images

i was at the cave

those three rooms were stacked very very tall with boxes

mr cowboy unfortunately

showed more of his true colors,

it was very very uncomfortable.

i was filled with

layers of





had thoughts like

am i really really doing this?

mostly i thought …

i can’t leave soon enough.

like get me out of here. now.

i am always amazed when that switch goes off

at one point i was choosing to live with that man

those last days

the person i fell for and trusted was positively unrecognizable.

so there you have it

my big butt

my wide thighs

and that mr wand was all that kept me good company

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