i know better to start numbering things.
i’ll goof numerically eventually. but for now this works.
there is a cat nestled on me. sucking on a towel, splaying her claws and digging them accordingly. sometimes she runs her paws through my beard which feels super weird. when she purrrrrrs, she drools. thus another reason for the towel.
days and nights are flying by. time, space and life. moments.
i can’t seem to get my brain on today. its a weekend day so that’s ok, but the feeling is real. writing sometimes helps me engage those neurons. does the brain have neurons??
i had someone YELL at me for posting my drawings/sketches yesterday. and this person additionally demanded I post more nudes. there are 4000 images of me nude on the interweb. is that not an abundance of???
i blocked the asshat ( gosh i love that word ) of a stranger. whatever dude. it doesn’t change the feeling of being yelled at tho.
the wind from yesterday has taken most of the leaves now. they are bare. naked. i like the bleak in it’s own way. lacey. sky reaching.
after the birth of my son….perhaps i have shared this story already. i grew out my armpit hair. i wanted to see how long it would take for my husband at the time to say anything. to notice. after the birth of my son it was as if i was no longer his wife. i was solely now the mother. i felt the loss. almost like a grief of sorts. his family noticed the hair. they would pull me aside. perhaps you can shave your armpits?? we understand that you are in a hippy phase. ( ha! ) said the white conservatives. sigh. finally, said husband did say something. “whats with the hair?” I then said, oh…i was just curious if you would notice. He said, “fuck you” We never discussed if I liked it, or how he felt about it. You could cut the disapproval with a knife. This was also around the time he said things like. “I don’t need you.” Years later when hurts recycle themselves, when what he said …repeated itself. He denied what he had said to me. he never did own up to his words. his indifference. All I could think about at the time was …wow, this is not how it’s supposed to be. I loved being a mom. For a period of time I was a stay at home mom. I loved that too. I was good at it. I felt lonely in a way that was pretty describable. for a women who was married and beginning a family, that was pretty uncool. Much later when the marriage was ending. Him turning his back on me emotionally showed up in my art. profoundly. when i showed him 3 large drawings i had made and commented on my observations. can you guess what he said????
this sketch was all of 3 minutes.
compared to the other two….me thinks you can tell.
my space bar on my lap top was just acting funny.