Facing West Glow And I

the cave.

it’s facing west glow

and i.

trying to make sense of

the hideous placement of that fuse box.

i mean who designs these spaces?

a man??

can’t we put it in a closet?

someplace utilitarian ?

must it always be my view???

ms o

was getting use to me.

i was getting use to her.

in the black and white photo of her and I. she’s thinking…what the fuck are you doing?

in the one of just her. ..she has her “treat????” look

i am always amazed when an animal is gone how empty the space feels.

she and i were very very good for each other.

i had more time with her than mr cowboy.

love the leash on the door.

the “this is where that belongs” look.

if the mice continue to be a problem here in the country studio

i may rent a “mouser” cat.

have to say i was proud of myself.

i trapped one the other evening.

SNAP went the trap.

holy crap.

it was 12:43 AM

i wrapped it, and trap in newspaper

and put it all into the freezer!!

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Nature Can Restore Herself

these images have been pulled and sitting on my desk top for days now.

i had a hard time finding the words for this part of my life.

together you and i are about to reliv the months at the cave.

ready?

looking at these now

i remember the awkward shift

from being a guest and lover

to this full time person with stuff.

i remember how i became last in all things.

vs the most anticipated thing of the week ever.

i remember feeling lonelier

living with someone

than on my own.

the vibe of this space

while it was a choice.

it was a choice i made where he was supposed to be the prize.

not the space.

the space was a vessel of sorts.

like a vase that holds something potentially beautiful.

in my first marriage i use to wait for my husband at the top of the stairs.

he’d come home to me.

i’d stand on my tip toes

hungry for a kiss.

he came home to me equally hungry.

loved that.

the moment i brought home our first child.

that all stopped.

poof i was no longer.

with mr cowboy i think what shifted for him

was an oh shit. she’s here.

she never leaves

and when do i get my time?

not said in so many words

but definitely played out in actions.

where i had the flexibility to get my work done while he worked.

he then was what i looked forward to.

so so so many things I didn’t know.

my not being able to know or see?

to see the me that i was trying to fit into? this 3 room apt with a man and a dog?

showed up in my photography.

took this AN quite some time to find her alter ego.

it was a mirror that was not fun looking into.

1st pic. so crowded. oh yeah. nude. i remember that. is that actually light? In the cave?

2nd pic.  it was like the mug of tea reminded me i was home.

3rd pic.  spring. it reminded me. nature can restore itself.

i don’t feel in sharing this that i am wallowing.

feels good to speculate on some of this.

enough time has passed now.

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100,000

on april 6th, betty blue and I shared a monumental moment.

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wait for it.

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where we turned 100,000 miles together.

we were here. when the moment occurred

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i am a such a dork.

But really, how often does one celebrate miles together like this.

never made it to a 20th wedding anniversary.

at least i can say my car and I are well travelled.

now all i have to do is hope she doesn’t fall apart on me.

 

That Lamp

that lamp, it’s naked bulb and stool are all that is left in this house now. i had a friend strip down these curtains and send them to me. cheaper than new curtains. the sheers, cut velvet and beads hanging still really work in my country studio. i do miss the blast of morning light and warmth these windows offered me. here, the sun has to rise over the foothills before it finds me. makes for a later morning somehow.  thats ok, i am a slow start gal anyhow

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Howdy Neighbor But In Moo

i go and see the girls every day. sometimes they ignore me. i mean eating grass is a highly involved and important thing. this particular dusk evening i went to see them because the sun was outlining them in a golden glow. They frolicked over to me. seriously. cow glee. i mean i can’t get over how adorable that is. so i hung out. snapped cow ears in sunlight. the next morning. i opened my door and they were at the fence and one of them completely mooed at me for about 20 minutes. a bit like howdy neighbor but in MOO.

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The Ghost Of House Sheers Past

it was a year ago this beauty of a home and it’s anonymously nudes humble beginnings went on the market.  the home offer, held up in the stupidity of paperwork was submitted a year later and the buyer walked away.  the right thing to do.  the wrong thing to move things onward ho.  in the midst of roommate-zilla hell another intake packet was re-created, lawyers bustling and a new offer. ten thousand less than the already low short sale offer was introduced. on the table we wait. 365 something something days later.  Upon leaving my bit of home ownership, my private light rich sanctity I did things to say good by, i straddled desks, I masturbated inside closets and danced around in window sheers. simply because i could.  a man from okcupid says he likes jangling natural not so even saggy breasts. i suppose thats a compliment. who knows anymore.  at the country studio the electricity runs on one central wall leaving a major outside wall with outlets that have no juice. the lamps in need of electricity stand unplugged. ripe for potential. at least this isn’t the cave.

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